Meet your match.

Reading other people's stuff is always much more interesting than reading mine, take note.

The last thing I ever want in the world is to be like everybody else. The best times in your life are when you are around people and you can just completely be yourself. Those people are the ones I will never forget. These are the people who open the world up a little wider for me along the way.


"Most days I wish I never met you, because then I wouldn't walk around with the knowledge that someone like you was out there."

more thoughts

I've been thinking.....

I fear that I am slowly losing my idealism. I can't help but see the shitty things going. I know it happens to everyone to some degree and I'm not suffering some original crisis that needs a new name, but the world has gone and gotten itself crazier. It's not just me either. Everyone I talk to has been down lately. I can't figure it out and maybe I'm just thinking too much but it's just bothering me a lot lately. How does one keep from getting bitter and cynical, because that is the last thing I want to be. I've seen too many people my age become this way and it makes me so sad. But maybe that's what humor is for? To get us through these ridiculous times. Does all humor come from sadness or anxiety?

I can't wait for summer.

H.

The beginning of my crisis

I feel like I know less about life than I ever have. I seem to have gone through these stages since I was in fifth grade. Everyday I learn something about someone or myself or something that goes and gets me all confused again. I wish I had some answers to something. This time in my life is definitely the most terrifying. My dad says life is a series of crisis(es?). When you're in kindergarten and your favorite toy breaks, your world ends. When you are in junior high and your best friend stabs you in the back, your world ends. And etc... It's just steps up a ladder that when you look back you can't believe you reacted so dramatically. But you can only see it backwards. I don't understand why that is though. What is the point of going through all of these things and only seeing why after the fact? What do we get in the end? Piece of mind?

I don't really know if it's some kind of test or what. But then again, why do we need to be tested? I feel like I am being really melodramatic as of late, but it feels like the rug is being pulled out from under me. I guess the worst thing to come out of it is that I'll fall on my ass. And we all know I've done that enough times. I'm trying to pick myself up.

And another thing...I had to go to the store today to pick up some stuff for my mom and there was this middle-aged overweight woman pushing a mop in one of those harshly-lite freezer aisles. I don't know if I have ever seen anyone so miserable in my life. I thought...what if my life turns out like this? If I end up working at a menial job everyday doing the same exact thing and going home every night and falling asleep wishing I would never wake up. Or that I get stuck in LaSalle and see the same stupid people everyday and drive down the same streets and watch the years and my life fade away slowly. These are the kind of thoughts I've been having! Someone slap me out of this! I would absolutely die if I worked at the same grocery store for the rest of my life pushing a mop around or if I was lucky enough, working a register or two.

Something is wrong with me.